When I was younger, I always thought that having curves and feeling sexy was bad and pledged that I would never want them. Then, puberty hit.... hit everyone but me to be clear. All of the sudden, seeing that everyone else was developing, I had the sudden desire to have the curves I thought I never wanted. I should've been careful about what I was asking for. Six cup-sizes and pant-sizes later, I'm here today still unsure how I feel about my curves, though I think I have a pretty good grasp. Over the years, little by little, I've become more confident and more accepting of my body. I've learned that it's okay to have a little, or a lot, of cleavage. It's okay to wear pants that show off your butt. It's okay to feel sexy. Wearing cute underwear is a great confidence booster. It doesn't matter that nobody can see it as long as you know you look damn good in it. It's like your own little secret for the day. You should try it! Go "treat yo self" and buy a cute pair of underwear and a cute bra. Once in awhile, break it out and rock it!
Are you on some kind of online dating platform? Have you been talking to someone that you really would not like to talk to anymore? Maybe ghosting is the next step for you.
Ghosting is really quite simple.
Just stop talking to said person. The longer you've been talking to this person, the more gradual you want to do this. For example, if you've been talking for only a day, you can just simply stop replying completely. However, if you've been talking for a few weeks, you should ease into it. Start by delaying your replies. Your response time should exponentially increase until eventually you just completely halt replies. These responses should also become shorter and less involved. If the other party is trying to make plans, give an ambiguous answer by saying you're really busy and that "you'll see". Sometimes, the other party will be smart enough to realize what's going on and help you out by stopping their communications as well. This is the best case scenario. The worst case scenario is when the other person just doesn't get it and proceeds to text you a week after you've already halted all communications. Once you've ceased all communication, you've done it! Congratulations! You've successfully ghosted someone!
Now now now, you didn't think that there wouldn't be any consequences did you?? HAHAHA
YOU. WERE. WRONG.
(I know this from experience.)
Okay, here are the rules to ghosting:
Rule 1: Remember that it will be REALLY awkward if you ever see this person again.
Don't ghost on someone you know you might see in person unless you're okay with it being REALLY awkward. In terms of online dating, it gets really awkward when you ghost on one of your friend's friends because said person will go mostly go talk to your mutual friend and it will just get awkward.
Rule 2: Remember that People DO NOT forget.
Make absolutely sure that you want to NEVER talk to this person EVER AGAIN because you can't go back from this.
Rule 3: Remember that you will look like an asshole because well... you are.
Think about it, you're choosing to just stop talking to someone for the rest of your life instead of telling them straight-up that you would rather not proceed with your relationship anymore. I'm not judging (since I've definitely been this person); I'm just warning you.
Rule 3.2: Remember that Karma is a bitch.
You are not invincible. I thought I was hot shit for awhile - ghosting on people and never having it done on me. Then, the tables turned. It doesn't feel great. Ergo, make sure this is something you really feel like you should do because Karma will come back and haunt you for this.
Also, I really hope I don't actually need to mention this because it's just common courtesy. DO NOT BREAK UP WITH YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER BY GHOSTING THEM. THAT'S JUST RUDE. If you've been in a committed relationship with this person, they deserve an in-person break-up. Ghosting should only be for people you've gone a few dates (3 or less) or have just texted.
Reasonable Alternative to Ghosting
Obviously, you already know this but you're just too chicken to do it which is why you want to ghost. I get it. Confrontation is hard. It's really awkward and usually ends up in tears from at least one of the parties. Feelings get hurt. It's uncomfortable. So why do it? Well, it's the right thing to do. It creates a clean cut and both parties will know the reason you guys don't talk anymore. Also, this way, there isn't any confusion and you won't get a random text from this person a few weeks later.
Now that you've reached the bottom of this post, I hope that you'll deeply consider your next move in the dating game. May the odds be ever in your favor.
Sorry I've been gone for so long! Life has been insanely crazy and I imagine will be even more so next quarter! Anyhow, now that summer is quickly approaching, I'm sure many of you, like myself, are dusting off your resumes and cover letters in hopes of getting that summer internship you've been dreaming about. Last week, I officially had my first interview of the year and it was a doozy (45 minute panel interview ~ scary AF).
Without further ado, here's how to: interview.
What To Wear:
Goal: win best dressed.
If this were the hunger games, you want to be the girl on fire (both figuratively and physically... well maybe for you, not physically, but for Katniss it was okay). Don't be afraid of looking too fancy. You want to look the absolute best. Throw on those work appropriate heels and strut into that conference room like it's nobody's business. Here's some outfit ideas!
You're looking for some mad Olivia Pope vibes. Find your inner gladiator and slay that interview.
(Also, don't wear sunglasses to your interview. You're not a Kardashian; put the sunglasses away once you get indoors)
What To Bring:
It's always the worst when someone has bad breath and doesn't know it. Don't be this person. And bring mints because you won't have to find a place to throw it away before you head in whereas gum you would. However, gum is always better than bad breath just find a scrap piece of paper to throw it away in.
Though they most likely already have your resume, it doesn't hurt to have extras just in case.
3. Notepad, Pen, Portfolio
For bonus points, bring these things and take notes when the interviewer tells you information about the job (anticipated start date, salary / pay, benefits, etc). It makes you look more professional and seasoned.
What To Remember:
Unless you're some kind of interviewing professional (if you are, comment down below your tips and tricks!), you're bound to get at least a little nervous. Waiting those few minutes right before your interview can be brutal. Here's a few things to remember:
1. To Breathe
Take a deep breath in for three seconds, hold for one, and breath out through your mouth. My friend (her blog's here!) taught me this breathing technique to help me calm down when I'm anxious. It really helps you not want to curl into a ball under a table (speaking from personal experience). If you're ever feeling super nervous during your interview, just take a deep breath (just don't make it too apparent or you might look crazy) and smile (not a creepy smile though).
2. Possible Interview Questions
I like to prepare a day (over even an hour) right before my interview by googling common interview questions and writing down what my answers would be. Here's a list of common questions:
- What do you know about our company?
They want to know that you know what their company even does. Make sure you get this question right. They're looking for you to reiterate their mission statement in your own words. Many times, you will not be hired if you do not know anything about the company you're interviewing for.
- Why do you want to work here?
Make sure it doesn't sound like BS. Here, they're usually looking for some kind of interest that would show that you would enjoy working here and wouldn't just quit after the first week. I usually talk about how this job would relate to my possible future career path and would be a great experience.
- What are your strengths and weaknesses?
This question comes up all the time. Remember to make your weaknesses sound like strengths like: perfectionism (I'm very detail oriented and can am very passionate about my work and this can interfere with my work at times because it can take a lot longer to perfect a project and I can't fully manage a work/life balance). It's a little cliche but you get the point. If you're really brave, you can say laziness but, this also makes you very efficient. You will always find creative and effective ways to complete tasks so you will never waste time. I haven't been brave enough to use this one yet.
- Tell me about a time you faced a challenge and how you overcame it.
For this question, you want to think of a good anecdote and a way to phrase it in a way that makes you look good. Think of experiences when you're doing group projects in school. Work circumstances are always what I go for.
3. To try your best not to say "Ummmm", "Uhhh", "Errr", etc.
I'm really really bad at this. Whenever I think, I tend to make some weird noise. A trick to avoid this is to drink water when you need to think, just don't drink too much water. Remember, it is okay to take a pause to think of an answer.
4. That you've been asked back for an interview for a reason!
There's a reason the hiring committee asked to interview you! They could've just as easily thrown your resume aside if they didn't think you had potential! Therefore, you should think of all the ways you are qualified for this job and how you would be the perfect person to hire. Then, try your best to show that in your interview!
Also, make sure you leave a good impression. Chances are that all of the other people interviewing for that job have just about the same qualifications as you do. What makes you stand out and you. Let your personality shine through and try to make a personal connection with the interviewers! I've been personally hired on the spot before simply because I had a really good conversation with the hiring lady. Plus, if you get hired, this will lay a great foundation for a good relationship between you and your boss.
You're going to do great. Take a deep breath and own the room.
The only person who's hold you back is you!
Now, go rock that interview.
If you haven't read part 1, you can do it here: Dating in a Sea of Introverts pt.1
Previously, I talked about the struggle of meeting people in person - the struggle of mustering up the courage to talk to a complete stranger in person and at the same time that person being a person I would like to date. What do you do when you can't meet people in person? You turn to the internet.
Most college students use Tinder. If you're not familiar with this app, essentially, it's a quick and easy way for two individuals to connect. The app guides users to sign up through Facebook which will upload pictures and information such as gender, age, interests (which are determined by the pages you've liked on Facebook), gender preference, etc. Users can search radius and age preference to find other users within their preference. TINDER TIP: if you're on a college campus and would like to only find people within your campus, lower your distance to the lowest possible. In regards to using the app, it's pretty simple; all you need to do is swipe left ("no, I would not like to match with this person") or swipe right ("yes, I would like to match with this person"). If both parties both swipe right, they will "match" and will be directed to a messenger. There, users are encouraged to message each other; however, that is rarely the case. Tinder creates a space void of social constraints that might keep an introvert from saying hi; however, there is still said constraint once it comes to messaging. Men are still pressured to message first, and honestly, the first message can make it or break it. Additionally, men are completely disadvantaged when it comes to online dating. I find that women are much more selective with their swipes where as men are more liberal.
The faults with tinder are far and wide. Users can only judge a person by their pictures and short bio before deciding to swipe left or right. That leaves decision making on a purely superficial level. But then again, how many people are actually on Tinder to look for a long-term, committed relationship - especially at the college age?
This brings me to another topic, dating - or well the absence of. Of the year and a half I've been a college student, I've only gone on 1 date. ONE. In our hook-up culture, I suspect that dating doesn't actually happen. In the rare cases it does, it's most likely going to be a coffee date. My question is, is this (coffee dates) a new phenomenon? I hear of a time where people used to go out to dinner and a movie. I think the 21st century version of this is "Netflix and Chill" and "eat before you come over". Maybe I'm a bit cynical but, there has to be some truth in what I say.
If you liked this post, comment down below, have you had a Tinder before? If so, what was your experience. Additionally, got any good dating tips?
I watch a lot of romantic comedies, and just romance TV shows and movies in general. It's always the same thing. Boy meets girl. Boy and girl fall in love. blah blah blah. So, imagine my surprise when I don't find my true love while waiting in line at Starbucks for the 50th time. Oh, the cute cashier who I think smiled at me didn't write his number on my cup, again?? He must've forgot...again.
Last quarter in my computer science class, we built a system that determined a user's personality type according to the Keirsey Temperament Sorter. The whole class took the quiz and the results were displayed. Turns out, most of the class were introverts. Our professor even told us that this is what usually what results. He even ventured to guess that my university as a whole is generally more introverted. This got me thinking... Is this why I'm single AF. Okay okay okay, I know I don't have to wait for some guy to ask me out, I can just go and ask any guy out I want. However, it would be nice to be asked out for once.
This also poses another question, how do I find someone I actually want to date if no one will talk to me? People always say "just talk to someone in class!". This deems much more difficult than imagined. People are usually very quiet and/or cliquey. It seems nearly impossible to simply sit next to a stranger in class and start talking to them. Nonetheless, I have done it once. It was beginning of fall quarter of my freshman year in Intro to Microeconomics. I was rushing into class about 5 minutes before it had started on the first day. Of course, being the first day in a mainly freshman lecture of about 200+ students, 80% of the class was there 10 minutes early. I sheepishly sat next to a guy in the back because it was the only right-handed seat available. Before I continue to what seems like a really sweet story about how I met my, now, boyfriend, please remember that I'm single AF. Ergo, this story does not go the way it seems it may. I don't know how exactly we started talking but, we probably started talking about something going on in class, like maybe the in-class participation thing we had to do? Anyhow, I introduced myself and we talked. (He was pretty cute, not going to lie.) We found out that we actually both lived in the same dorm building on the same floor, are from around the same area, and actually have a few mutual friends. He was really nice and friendly and we would sit next to each other in class the next few times. Later, I found out that he actually was not my type, wasn't as cute as I had originally thought, and was actually interested in one of our mutual friends (who also lived on our floor). We gradually stopped talking, not because of this reason, just because we didn't have that much in common other than where we lived, in the first place. I still see him once in awhile when I'm walking to class. Anyhow, the point to the story is, even if I do muster up the courage to talk to a complete stranger in class, what are the chances that that person and I get along? How do I keep talking to them after that first time? Do I have to dazzle them with my personality the very first time I talk to them? What if I've already been in a class, or yet, even sat next to, the perfect guy and I just never said hi to him?? This is probably why I'm single.
In the next installment of this series, I'm going talk about the new era of technology and dating.
Be prepared for some Tinder stories.
If you like this post, please comment down below, how do you conquer dating in the modern world? Got any good pick-up lines? I'm just kidding...